Learn To Be Assertive and Treat Your Anxiety

Do you have a hard time saying no to anyone? I know I used to. I never really thought about it much when I was younger. I always saw myself as a nice person who tried to always be helpful. As I got older though, my inability to say no became a problem. It didn’t matter who it was, if I was asked to do something, I would do it. I couldn’t say no! The problem became bigger, because people started asking me to do too much, leaving me no room in my life for what I wanted to accomplish. My resentment began to grow and this led to anxiety.

Learning to express feelings when you’re used to being compliant can be tough to do. I had to learn how to be assertive and say no to people, because that is exactly what I wanted to say! The first few times I practiced my assertiveness training I didn’t do so well. I ended up changing my initial “no” response to a “yes”. I would be so angry with myself afterward. But eventually I learned to say no and mean no. I have to tell you it was a liberating experience that quickly lowered the anxiety level in my life. I kept telling myself I needed to get a backbone, I would punish myself relentlessly for being a spineless person.

How To Be Assertive Without Being Rude

Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. A lot of people get the terms confused. Being aggressive usually involves anger, rudeness or trying to trample over someone else’s rights to get your way. Assertiveness, on the other hand, means expressing your feelings and claiming your rights in a non-threatening manner. When you learn to be assertive, you’re able to recognize what you want and then make those desires known to others. But you can explain your needs and feelings in a way the other person can accept or at least understand.

Learning to be assertive is actually a treatment for anxiety. When you don’t know how to be assertive, the consequences can be severe over time. For example, you get stuck in a relationship that you know isn’t working. Or you never express your opinions. In my case, I was always getting stuck doing things I really didn’t want to do. So I started feeling intense resentment I never had an opportunity to enjoy my favorite things in life. Resentment builds over time and manifests itself as anxiety or even depression.